- Being afraid and doing it anyway.

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I’m coming to the end of two of the busiest weeks of my life and I’m tired. But, I can’t be too tired yet because tomorrow may very well be the busiest of all the days.

I’m hosting a breakthrough call for experienced business owners that will show them how to leverage their business know-how and lessons into a 6-figure side profit center of their core business by teaching others in their industry how they do what they do.

We’ve been working our rear ends off (actually mine has been spreading just a bit because I’ve been sitting in front of my computer so much) to put together the most kick-butt program I could ever imagine.

We launch tomorrow, the day before Independence Day in the US.  We chose this day because our call will be the beginning of real independence for many, many business owners.

And I’d love to tell you more about it, but it’s 12:16am and I’m doing everything I can to keep my eyes open so I can finish this note to you because you may want to be there.

If you do, register here.  It’s in less than 9 hours.

If you miss it because this gets to you too late, register anyway and you’ll get the replay link tomorrow.

I must sleep now.  “See” you on the call! Mwah!

PS - here’s the things I have to remember to tell you about when I get some time: mediation, lacba presentation, all the media stuff.    Talk again soon.

I’m in the midst of a huge leap in my awareness and I want to share it with you because if you can make this leap, you’ll experience so much more happiness.  Me too.

Maybe if I share it with you, it will actually sink in and I can embody it instead of just know it’s true on an intellectual level.

Ok, so here it is.

I need to let go of control and trust more.

That’s all nice and easy to say, but let’s take a look at what that really means in my life and why it’s so hard to do.

Before we do, let me say this - I am going to do it. I am going to trust and let go. Starting now, in this moment. And it’s going to be okay if I have to start over in every moment because I forget.  I’m going to do it.

The alternative is too freakin’ painful. For you too, I bet. Maybe you’ve numbed yourself to the pain (I lived that way for a long, long time), but eventually you’ll feel it and when you do, you’ll have to learn to let go and trust.

Maybe this will help.

Thing I need to let go of & trust about #1:  My kids and screen time.

I am a single mom raising two kids and running multiple businesses from my home.  My kids love to watch TV and play video games.  I need to stop stressing out about the amount of screen time they get and let it be as it is, trusting that sending them to camp & spending an hour or two of focus time with them throughout the day is enough for most days with 6-7 hours each day on weekends and the occasional mid-week 3-4 hour focus.

It hurts me to even write that because there’s a part of me that doesn’t think that’s enough.  There’s a part of me (the part that wanted my mom to spend all her time with me, I guess) that believes I should be spending a whole lot more time playing games and reading to my kids.

But, it’s just not realistic at this time.  And I feel like crap about it though I hide it really well most of the time.  Or at least I think I do.

So, I’m going to accept what is and stop thinking it should be some other way.  I’m doing the best I can.  I love to work.  I love to be able to work here at home while my kids play with their friends, play on the computer and watch TV.

And I’m going to trust that it’s all okay.  My kids won’t grow up with mind-rot.  I watched a boatload of TV when I was a kid - Brady Bunch, Laverne & Shirley, Bewitched, I Dream of Jeanie, Three’s Company, One Day at a Time, Dynasty, Love Boat.  These were the shows that taught me my values, such as they were.

I guess that’s what I don’t want.  I don’t want my kids raised by the television.

And now I can see that even when they get lots of screen time, it’s the teachable moments that I’m present for because I get to run my companies from home that are the important part.

I’m sure I’ll get some dissenting views, people who think I should be home with my kids and not running a business or earning money at all.  They are the outer representation of my inner critic, so of course they will be appear in reality until I’ve cleared the guilt/thoughts from my own consciousness.

It helped tonight when my mom told me it’s okay for my kids to watch tv or play on the computer.  Still need her validation, I guess.

Thing I need to let go of & trust about #2:  My TV show.

I know I’m supposed to have my own TV show or be a major player in a multi-personality show.  For the past couple years, I’ve been alternatively stressing and wondering if it will ever happen, taking action on things I believe will help it happen more quickly and/or deciding I don’t want no stinkin’ TV show anyway.  Sometimes all at once.

When I was in Maui, I decided I wasn’t going to stress about it anymore, but I wasn’t going to wait around either.

My life is far too instructive to not let you in so you can see what’s possible in your own life, no matter how crazy and chaotic things are sometimes.

So rather than wait for someone else to catch the vision, I decided to just begin.  And the Mommy Business Live TV series was born.  Since then, I’ve stopped stressing out about whether the tv show will ever happen off the internet.  It either will or it won’t, but my anxiety about it won’t make it happen any faster.

So, I’ve been happily taping activities in my daily life and sharing them with you.  I haven’t been able to get the very best stuff (like when my kids are freaking out and I’m dealing with it much differently than most people, I think) because during those times I’m too in the situation to whip out the camera.

Even without that though, I’ve gotten some pretty great stuff, I think.  Dave handling one of my moods in typical Dave fashion is my favorite so far.

In fact, I think I got some pretty great footage last week - took my kids with me to the training conference for my Personal Family Lawyers and then we stayed over for some vacation with Dave and his kids.  Lots of juice.  Kids on a business trip.  Behind the scenes of the conference I was hosting.  Dave’s kids and my kids.  Even a fishing trip during which my kids caught 8 whoppers!

Unfortunately, you may never see any of that footage because I left one of my Flip video cameras at the hotel and it’s possibly lost and my other Flip is freezing up.

I could spend the next couple of hours stressing out and trying to fix the frozen Flip or try to locate the lost one, but there’s far too much on my plate.  I need to let it go and trust that for some reason you aren’t supposed to see that footage.  I need to let it go and trust that not being able to record a video for you tonight was fine.  No, not fine … perfect.

And, in fact, it is because I’m writing this blog post instead and apparently writing is what is needed now.  How do I know that?  Because it’s what’s happening.

If I’m supposed to have a TV show on network TV, I will.  But no more stress about it.  At least not for tonight.

The truth is that it’s all happening.  I’ve been asked to do a live internet television show for moms.  I’ve met with a producer who loves the Mommy Business and wants to move it forward.  Trust and let go.

Thing I need to let go of & trust about #3:  My own time behind the screen.

I spend a lot of time in front of my computer.

I may have mentioned this before already (perhaps a few times) … I’m running two businesses from my home, one a multi-milion dollar business that’s transforming the way lawyers are with their clients and the other on track to possibly hit 7-figures this year.

Both of them pretty much start-ups and growing substantially each month.

Along with that comes a whole lot of stuff for me to do.  It’s just the way it is.

Let’s take a look at just this week:

1. I promoted and hosted a call teaching lawyers how to engage the prospects who call their office.
2. I’m in the middle of teaching a teleconference series to business owners on the  legal, insurance, financial and tax systems necessary to have a rock-solid foundation primed for growth.
3. I’m preparing for a huge, innovative launch dreamed up by me and Dave and recruiting affiliates for that campaign, which kicks off with an affiliate training call this Tuesday.
4. And, I’m giving a 90-minute presentation at the Los Angeles County Bar Association Small and Solo Firm Conference on how lawyers in small and solo firms can have it all and do it all.

It’s all happening and it’s all happening right now!   The truth is, I love it and it’s very unlikely that I’ll just be involved with one business, ever.  It’s not my nature.  I LOVE business.  I love starting new businesses and creating and planning and executing.  And I’m busy and it’s perfect.  When it’s not anymore, it’ll be different.

And because I’m doing so many things at once, not all of them are going to move as quickly as I’d like.  Which brings me to the 4th thing I need to let go of and trust about and will have to be the last thing for tonight because I can only make so much progress at a time.

Thing I need to let go of & trust about #4:  Who, Where, and When

I cannot control the who, where and when of anything even though I really really want to!  I can only control What and Why … and even then only somewhat.

I get to choose the what I do, be, have and the why that drives the what.  (And I’m only really choosing when I’m acting from a place of awareness instead of reacting, which isn’t even all the time yet.)

But, I cannot control who shows up, where or when they are ready.

And because I’m involved in so many things, I also need to cut myself slack on the “if only I worked harder at it” more people would show up front.  Tonight, I was a stressed out that our call is on Tuesday and many of the people I thought would sign up to be there haven’t yet and I don’t feel like I have time or energy to remind them again about the call.

I know it will be great for them, but I can’t control it.  I have to let go and trust that the right people will be there.

If you are reading this and you serve business owners and want to put money in your pocket this summer, get your message in front of tens of thousands by the end of July, bring more business in for your business over the long-term and cement your relationship with your list forever, you’ll be on Tuesday’s call even if I don’t do another thing.

The right people will show up so long as I’m putting my best possible effort into it … because it’s perfect.  So long as I continue moving forward in faith and taking inspired action, the Universe will reward me with everything I need.

I’ve come to accept I may not get everything I want when I want it, but I’ll always get what I need for my highest and best good.  All I have to do is do my best with the resources I have available in any given moment and keep moving forward guided by what deeply inspires me.  And let go of control and trust.

I’ve literally (this morning from the red eye) just arrived back in Los Angeles from a week long, life-changing trip to Maui.

It’s now 11:00p at night (although only 8:00p to my body– which is still on Maui time) and despite running around like a mad woman all day taking care of my dog (who lost use of his back legs while I was gone) and my kids (my daughter had her first solo presentation at school and had no costume ready) and the fact that I’m totally exhausted, I’m compelled to document my awakenings and awarenesses from the trip.

The sooner I get it all down, the more likely it is that I will keep the promises I’ve made to myself.

Writing down your commitments (the more publicly the better too by the way) makes it far more likely that you will honor them and bring yourself infinitely closer to creating your life on your terms.

I was in Maui for the diamond mastermind meeting with my mentor Ali Brown.  It’s so interesting to look back at the post I wrote when I invested 6-figures to have Ali as my mentor and see how my thinking has grown and evolved and know that it will grow even more tremendously over the next 6 months.

Playing in a Mastermind at this level is absolutely transformative and what’s completely mind blowing to me is that rather than it pulling me into a whole new level of busyness and work, it’s bringing me to a place of almost stillness.  Absolutely mind blowing.

Ok, so stillness may be going a bit too far.  :)  But, definitely a massive shift from the “it’s all dependent on me and I have to do all of it” mentality into an “I can’t do it all and why the heck would I want to anyway?” mindset.

Big shift and one that I’d embraced mentally for the past couple of years, but wasn’t truly embodying.

Okay, maybe now I realize that’s not true either.

Over the past several years, as I’ve been building my businesses, I’ve become very good at admitting I can’t do it all … at home.  I’ve gotten very good at delegating there (I haven’t cooked a meal in years and yet we always have family dinner together) whereas in my business I’m still hanging on to too many things that don’t really need me.  Things that I now realize are taking away from my family and what I really love.

This week in Maui I confronted an old demon of mine (my experience as a mother) and discovered what I’ve known all along but couldn’t allow to happen because my businesses were not ready … I really, really, really want to be a hands-on mom.

Not a full time stay at home mom. But a business owning, money-making, empire building hands -on mom.

I want to be the one to pass on values to my kids.  I want to be the one who teaches them how to be in the world.  I want to be the one to guide them towards their passions in life.

The only way to do this is to spend a whole lot more focused one on one time with them.

So, that means I need to work less hours.  The fact of the matter is there’s only so many hours in the day and I’ve got a lot of vision that wants to be created and brought into being.

I’ve finally realized that the way for me to work less (thereby having more time for my family while still being the visionary in my business) is to become the leader; not the manager and not the doer.

It’s time for me to embody this, not just know it to be true.

Looking back at what I wrote 6 months ago when I joined Ali’s diamond mastermind, I can see some interesting things:

1.  Now I REALLY Need to Give Up My Private Email.  This time, I have a plan that will work, I think.

6 months ago, I tried to give up my email utilizing the Tim Ferris Four Hour Work Week method, but that completely failed for me.  For a while I beat myself up, but then I worked through it and discovered that Tim and I are very different and what works for him and his relationship with his customers, won’t work for me and mine.  I needed to create a personalized system using the same concepts, but fitting my personality, character and way of being.  I’ll share my system with you and how you can create your own once I get it fully implemented and tested in my life.

2.  Still not a mommy blogger.

While I do write the intrepid mompreneur blog and I am a mommy, I’m still not a mommy blogger.  I’m a Mommy Business Blogger.  I’d have to say the biggest difference is that I have no qualms whatsoever about earning a fabulous amount of money from the work I do at home while I raise my kids.  The mommy blogger crowd seems to be a wee bit (or more) concerned about ruining their personal brand by actually making money.

For me, having it all means raising my kids as a hands-on mom while running a business from home and making oodles of money, loving what I do and changing the world. A Mommy Business Blogger!

3.  Twitter

My whole philosophy about Twitter has changed.  I don’t feel chained to it at all.  And because I’ve set up groups using Tweetdeck and can keep an eye on the streams of people who uplift me, I love, love, love that I can pop in when I can, connect with the peeps who want to connect with me, ask for support when I need it, give support when I can and I don’t have to feel any sort of obligation to do it or like I’m missing something if I don’t do it.

Oh, and by the way, if you are on Twitter, you may want to check out some hashtags I’ve started.  #mommybiz is for when I’m writing about and talking about Mommy Business type things and #values is for when I’m struggling with how to handle something with the kids.  If you love my spirituality, you’ll love my #agape tweets live from the Agape Int’l Spiritual Center on Sundays too.

I could go on and on about these little things, but the real big shift is that I am going to be way more hands-on with my kids than I have been up until now.

It feels so funny to say that out loud because I feel as if I have been incredibly hands on for a working mom.

But I can no longer deny that my kids need more than “hands-on for a working mom.”  My kids need 3-5 hours a day of my time, consistently and fairly focused.  Wowzer!  That’s a lot of time for someone who works like I do and supports her family and has 10 people counting on her for a paycheck.

Ok, let’s see how we can make this a reality.

I’ve spent hours wondering how it is that other moms can sit in front of their computers 12-14 hours a day and their kids seem to be able to stay with nannies, do okay in school, etc., and why it doesn’t seem to be working for us.  I’ve spent days wondering how I could make sure my kids needs would be met by someone else.

Finally, finally, finally, I’ve realized that I’m not really having it all if I’m not spending a significant enough amount of time every day with my kids to really feel like I am raising them to be the kind of people I want to hang out with.

I’ve been leading my businesses for the last 6 years and thanks to the work I put in, the learning I put in, the investment of time, money and tremendous effort, I can now turn more over to my amazing business teams and relax into the role of being a hands-on mom.

As I allow myself to sink into the possibility, I begin to discover that it’s what I’ve been working for all along.  I’ve been working so freakin’ hard so I could spend more time with my kids right now at this moment when they need more of me the absolute most.

I’m reminded that it’s all perfect and that source, the Universe, God, spirit (insert your term for it here) has a divine plan for my life.

So, with that very long introduction, I want to welcome you behind the scenes into my life running a mommy business and raising kids all at the same time and  in the same place … my home.

Through this video blog series I’m launching right away, you’ll get to see what it’s like to lead a business and a family at the same time.  I can promise you this - it’s not always pretty, but it’s almost always at least entertaining and I believe you’ll find it enlightening as you enter a whole new world where you really can create life on your terms.

PS - if you are wondering what happened to my big 40 days commitments, I’m no longer attending the daily meditations and I fell quite a bit off the eating wagon in Maui.  I’m not beating myself up for it in anyway shape or form though.  I’m so aware of the perfection of it.  It was exactly what I needed to prepare me for Maui so that I could be available to what it held for me.   WOOHOO!

Photo courtesey of rhettmaxwell

As most of you know, my passion is to help families and small business owners up level their lives and their businesses by putting in place the right systems. Whether they are systems for easing your family life, ensuring your kids are taken care of anything happens to you, passing on your values or growing your business, it’s unlikely to happen if you don’t have a system in place to ensure it does.

I also know how difficult it is for most people to put in place systems. I know it because it’s incredibly difficult for ME!

So to make it even EASIER for moms to get proactive about building systems for the success of their own families and their own businesses, I have partnered with Maria Bailey of Mom Talk Radio and Katja Presnal of Skimbaco Lifestyle to give every mom attending Moms Night Out a Certificate for a Family Wealth Planning Session worth $750 as part of the (already amazing) Moms Night Night Out Swag.

Why am I doing this?

Well number one, I care about the success of your family and your business.

I have made very costly mistakes over the past few years in my own business and life—including losing part of my business to my ex-husband during our divorce, incorporating too late to totally protect my personal assets, not having my books in order for a tax audit and paying out of pocket for a lawsuit that insurance would have covered had I had the right type of insurance in place. All this even though I’m a lawyer!

What these experiences have taught me is that it’s critically important to have a trusted advisor who can guide you through every life stage and from the very beginning of your business.

But, I also know that most people (including me!) feel as if they can’t afford that level of care. It’s my mission to let you know that’s not true! In fact, proactive guidance is far less expensive than the cost of waiting until its too late and being reactive to the things that will come up as you raise kids and run businesses.

So if just ONE mom avoids some of the costly mistakes that I have made by developing a proactive lifetime relationship with a Personal Family Lawyer®, it will all be worth it to me.

And number two, I want to celebrate you as a mother, business owner and someone that can truly have it all with the right guidance and vision of what’s possible.

I can think of no greater gift than helping a mompreneur make smart decisions about her business or an aspiring mompreneur start out her business on a winning track—or even help a mother ensure that her opinions about how her kids are raised (you have opinions about that, right?) are known and heard, no matter what!

So if you happen to attend the National Moms Nite Out events in New York City, Phoenix, AZ, Carlsbad, CA, Pasadena, CA, Houston, TX and Plano, TX, keep your eyes open for our $750 Family Wealth Planning Session certificate. It will uplevel your life and your business!

PS – if you are a mompreneur and you have any questions about building a rock solid legal foundation, putting in place the right insurance protections, setting up financial systems or tax strategies that will save you money, listen in on this audio program I recorded recently.

As I’ve often said, having it all means having it ALL. And being grateful for all of it, even when sometimes it doesn’t feel good.

Yesterday was one of those days.

I missed both coaching calls, ate terribly and didn’t get to exercise.

I do have some good excuses - we were traveling back from Denver, my daughter got the flu and I had to hire a new nanny for my kids right quick.

So, I’m trying not to be too hard on myself.

But, I AM a perfectionist, so it’s tough.

Plus, I thought I had a manager all lined up who was going to make my reality show a reality and we were scheduled to meet on Thursday and then she called to say she’s too booked to meet.

Boo. Super bummed. AND trusting that all is happening exactly as it’s supposed to and that when it’s time for me to have a TV show, I will.  Of course there’s that part of me that says, “what if that’s never?” and then I get super sad.

The ups and the downs. Part of life.

Fortunately, there’s lots of ups too.

* We have an amazing group of lawyers joining the Personal Family Lawyer program during our recent open enrollment period.

* After being told I couldn’t live tweet the Sunday service at Agape any longer, I talked to the Rev today and not only do I get to live Tweet, but I’m going to be coaching the Agape public relations gal to create a strategic vision and systems around getting the Agape message out to the world. What a blessing!

* We found the most amazing new nanny who literally has all of the qualities I requested on my nanny attraction list. And I got clear that I don’t want her to worry about cooking, cleaning or grocery shopping. Her one and only job is to give my kids attention and presence. That feels really good.  No worries that I’ll be cooking, shopping and cleaning while she’s with the kids! My ex is stepping up to do the shopping and cooking and my housekeeper does a great job cleaning.

I’m amazed at the energy shift that’s happened since my old nanny is out of the picture.  I didn’t realize how much she was dragging down the energy in the house.

* Last night, we instituted a new system in our house using chips so that the kids can experience the consequences of their actions without rewards or punishment. More about that later.

* Last, but far from least, I’m getting ready to go to Hawaii for a week with my honey for a MUCH needed vacation and a mastermind meeting.

So, overall, it’s all good. :)  But, lots of ups and downs along the way.

Photo Credit: Kworfeldein

It’s day 4 of the 40 Days and Nights Program with @davidmorelli and @kristinmorelli of the Everything is Energy radio show and I’m rockin and rollin.

I’m here in Longmont, Colorado (outside of Boulder) at my girlfriend Martha’s house.

Martha is one of the girlfriends I talked about several weeks ago.  Like Martha, her house is absolutely beautiful and even with 8 kids here somehow it manages to seem hardly messy at all.

Martha’s in law school at University of Denver, studying for her last final and working on a domestic violence case for which she is guardian ad litem.  She’s handling all of it with far more poise and calm than I would have when I was in law school.

While I’m still feeling a little overwhelmed by the food and exercise commitments I’ve made, they are eased by being with my girlfriends who know how to do things like make salads and healthy meals (these are things that boggle my mind!) and make sure I’m adequately fed.

So much great stuff happened yesterday, that I’m not even sure where to start.  I’m definitely shifting a whole lot of energy as part of the 40 Days and Nights Program with Kristin and David Morelli.

Okay, so let’s start with the email I received from my nanny.

As you’ll recall, we’ve been having some challenges in this area.  Notably, my daughter has been telling me for a long while that she just doesn’t like the nanny and I had decided to make a switch, realizing that truthfully I haven’t been getting my needs met either.

Truth be told, we all knew 6 months ago that it wasn’t working, but I kept trying to make it work because my mind told me it was easier to stick with what I had than to start the whole process of finding someone new again.

How often have you done that? With relationships?  And employees? With houses and offices.  Of course, we all do!

Our minds trick us in this way.  Because the truth is, you know when you are merely tolerating something and when you really LOVE something.  Right?

Far too many of us are merely tolerating.

Side note:  At Ali Brown’s Platinum Mastermind meeting, she walked us through a release of tolerations exercise and this is when I started to get really clear about how I was holding back the joy I could have in my life by holding on to things I was merely tolerating and didn’t really love.

So, anyway, I’ve been tolerating the nanny.  I could tell she wasn’t happy working for us, but I could also feel she was trying to make it work.

Well, the whole truth about how unhappy she really is came out last night and boy was it a doozy.  She wrote me an email that can only be called a crucifixion!

Before I left for Colorado, I let her know how unhappy I was about her energy in the house.  I was no longer willing to tolerate it and if she was going to be with us another 6 weeks, I needed it to be different.

What I heard from our discussion is that it couldn’t be different.  I got that she was doing the best she could.

I also became strongly aware that it just wasn’t good enough and I was done compromising.  I told her I’d begin looking for someone else right away instead of trying to stick it out another 6 weeks.  What I didn’t know then is how quickly I’d have to find that someone else!

Part of our meditation in the 40days program was to really take a look at the people closest to us in our life.  Energy is contagious.

And the energy my nanny was putting out was clearly rubbing off on me.  It wasn’t something I could tolerate any longer.

Well, the Universe has a way of giving us exactly what we need, doesn’t it?

Yesterday, my ex-husband had an incident with a friend of the nanny’s who was doing her homework in my living room after he had specifically told the nanny he didn’t want anyone at the house while we were away.  (In case you didn’t know, my ex-husband lives in the garage apartment behind our house).  Basically, he told her she had to leave.

This incident apparently triggered a lot of emotions for my nanny and she wrote me a scathing email.

I won’t go into the details, but suffice it to say she ripped me apart as a mother and a business woman, totally judged my relationship with my kids, my relationship with my ex, and pretty much everything else about me. Ouch.

In the past, reading it I would have been outraged and hurt.

But, this time, I wasn’t.  I was grateful for her email.  Sure, it was painful to read some of what she wrote.   Much if tapped right into the guilt feelings I carry around as a mom entrepreneur trying to have it all and do it all.

Mostly I was grateful though because these are longheld feelings that she’s been stuffing down to try and make it work.  And it was these feelings that my kids felt and the reason they didn’t like her.  And it was these feelings that were seeping negative energy into our house.

So, I thanked her for her thoughts and told her that not only did she not have to live up to her commitment to give us 4 weeks notice, but that she wouldn’t have to spend another day caring for my kids.  I definitely don’t want her around my kids feeling like she does about me and my family and my way of parenting!

So, I’m going to figure it out - somehow.  I know God will provide all the support I need.  And even though I’m going on a week long vacation without my kids and leaving a week from Monday (!) I know it’ll all work out a-ok!

In the meantime, take a look at who’s living in your house, both figuratively and literally.  You are a reflection of the people who are closest to you.  What energies are they putting out?  What energy are you tolerating around you?  You don’t have to do it anymore.  Focus on raising your energy and watch how the people who can’t match that energy one by one drop away.

Side note #2: this process has been an ongoing process for me since my divorce and what I’ve learned is that as I raise my energy, people have dropped away.  Back in the beginning when that happened, I thought it was permanent.  That anyone who dropped away would be gone forever.  I’ve come to know that’s not true.  As an example, my ex-husband dropped away until he could raise his energy vibration to a point where we could be around each other again and now we have an amazing, supportive, loving relationship.  So, don’t worry too much about losing people who are really important to you as you raise your own energetic vibration.  If they are supposed to be in your life, they will come back when they are ready.

Okay, time to go play with the kids.  I didn’t even get a chance to tell you how in the midst of all this I manifested a Mercedes!  I’ll have to save that for later or tomorrow.  It’s an exciting story that really goes to show you how perfect it all really is when you open up to the possibilities.

Oh, and how I taught my son that people like to be around friendly, easy-going, fun people and that’s okay to be angry, pissed off and frustrated, but that it’s probably a good idea to take quiet time alone when you feel that way because people don’t really enjoy being around angry, frustrated pissed off people.  More on that another time too.

Photo credit: Makani5

Technically, this is day 2 of the 40 Days and Nights Program during which I’m changing a huge number of things in my life, but I’m writing about it for the first time, so we’ll call it day one.

During the next 40 days, I’m revamping just about everything.  When I say everything, you may wonder what everything really means.

Here’s my list:

1.  Help at home:

My nanny is leaving and I’ll be bringing in one or two new people to replace her.  Dave says one person can do it all.  I have my doubts.  In another post, I’ll share all I need help with at home.  It’s a lot and I’m excited (and scared too) to bring some new energies into my life.

2.  Dog:

I adopted a dog about 4 months ago and he’s got some behavioral issues that I’m done tolerating.  We’ve worked with a trainer, but that didn’t really work, so thanks to my friend and mastermind partner Regina, I’ve hired Brandon Fouche, a dog behaviorist.  We worked together by phone last night and today and I’m already seeing a big difference.  One of these days, I’ll write about how this dog has taught me something big about boundaries.

3.  Overall physical health:

While my physical health is great, my mental health is not so good.  Plus, I’d love to drop about 15 pounds of fat I’m still carrying from my pregnancy days (6 years ago now!) and put on some nice lean muscle.  This will be my biggest challenge.

4. Preparing my mind and my company to go huge:

My company is rockin’ it.  We have more lawyers than ever ready to transform from ordinary lawyers into lawyers that guide their clients through a lifetime of good decisions.  I’m ready to take things to the next level in a big way.

So, lots of change planned for my life over the next 40 days.  Already, I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed.

I’m working with JJ Virgin on the physical side of things and that’s requiring me to be far more conscious about my food choices.  I already feel like I messed up today by starting with a Myoplex shake, which I now know is a big no-no because of the artificial sweeteners.  And for lunch, I grabbed a couple of scoops of tuna fish and a slice of cheese.  I’ve got to get a plan in place because this is clearly not going to work.  I’m thinking food delivery.

On the help at home front, I’ve started a list of exactly what I’m looking for and attracted a couple of people to me already, but neither of them seems exactly right.  So, I’ll keep working on my list with the intention to meet some folks in person next week after my trip to Colorado.

On the dog front, he’s now scared of me.  I guess this is the first step.  It’s not my preferred method of being in the world, but I’ve had to come to terms with the fact that I either need to dominate my dog and get control or I’m going to have to give him up.  I can’t risk him biting one of my kids or their friends. So, I’m going to try the former.

I attended the first of David and Kristin Morelli’s coaching calls last night and tried to get on this morning only to find that this morning’s call had been scheduled in my calendar wrong.  Immediate frustration.  But, instead of giving up, I found the replay, listened and did the meditation.  There’s a lot of visualization, which is difficult for me, but I’m not giving up.

So, that’s day 1.  I’ll keep ya posted.

Photo Credit: Cambodia4kidsorg

If you’ve been reading this blog for any amount of time, you know my life is pretty amazing. I live in my (for now) dream home by the ocean. I work from home running a million dollar plus company that is growing like gangbusters.

I’ve got a hot boyfriend who loves me and talking about business and growing spiritually and loves my kids to boot. I get to be on TV, write books, take classes at Agape and make a difference in the world.

And yet despite all the amazingness, I have periods (not necessarily short periods either) of some real unhappiness. Painful unhappiness.

Times when despite all of the great stuff happening in my life, all I can see are the not great things that are happening. Times of great frustration, annoyance, irritation, and even despair.

Can you relate?

I haven’t talked about this before because honestly I’ve felt shame about it. Plus, a part of me thought it was just the way things had to be while I was building my businesses and under a lot of stress to support my family. That it would go away when [fill in the blank].

But now, things are better than they’ve ever been and tons of the “whens” have happened that were supposed to clear the blues away and yet here they are - still present.

I’m not in financial fear any longer, I know I’m going to do all the things in my life that I want to do before I die, I have a strong connection with God, a great relationship with my ex and my kids are easier to be with than ever before.

Despite all that, the yuck within me is still here.

When I feel it, my habit has been to look for a reason and blame those around me. Used to be my husband. Then, it was my employees, my business, my mom. These days, it’s usually my boyfriend or my nanny because they are in my space the most. I’d blame the kids, if I could, but I already feel enough guilt as a working mom that I can’t saddle them with blame too.

I suspect by now you are probably somewhat shocked. I come across publicly as one of the happiest people you know.

Very few people would ever know I experience this yuckiness. I’m the poster child for happiness. I was even the butt of a joke on Twitter when some guy said I’d be a-okay if only I had some downers. [ed. note: I don't think that was the joke exactly and I can't find it, but it was funny and you get the point]

I even hid this side of me from my boyfriend for the first several months we were together. Not intentionally. But, I was just so warm and bubbly all the time back when we were first meeting. At least when he was around. I kept telling him there was this other side of me. But, he never saw it.

He’s seen it now though. And, it isn’t pretty.

It’s not like I’m a mega-bitch or anything. At least, I don’t think so. It’s more like I’m hyper-focused on work and cold. Inside, I feel numb. I don’t want to snuggle, or have sex, or go dancing, or do tantra or exercise. I want to talk about work and only work and sit in front of my computer and clear out my inbox.

My mind tells me I’ll relax and have fun later. Later never comes. Or if it does, it’s spread out quarterly. Binge relaxation, I call it. It’s about as healthy as every other kind of bingeing.

From a business perspective, I’m most productive during these periods of yuck. At least that’s what my mind tells me. New businesses are created, new websites launched, new products brainstormed, new books written. And so much gets done.

After each launch, I promise myself I’ll rest. But then more ideas come. And I get busy again.

I can’t live like this anymore. I deserve better.

Fortunately, I know what the answer is and it’s not more money and it’s not more theory and it’s not more information or education or affirmations.

It’s time for serious self-discipline. I’m no longer willing to settle for a life of unpredictable mood swings. I’ve allowed a belief system to be created in my mind that says I am at the mercy of my moods. In order to experience the highs, I had to experience the lows.

It’s just the way life is, I had convinced myself.  LIE.

I’ve been tolerating these lows in my life since I was a teenager, placing blame instead of taking responsibility for them and doing something about it.

I CAN experience a life in which I feel joy bubbling up on a consistent basis no matter what the external circumstances of my life look like and the shadow becomes what’s fleeting.

For that to happen, I have to abandon the thoughts that I’ll relax and have fun and be happy when we go to Hawaii. I have to take full responsibility for my well-being now and accept that if I can’t be happy now, I never will be. Not in Hawaii. Not after the next launch. Not never. The time is NOW. There is no other time besides now. This is what Eckhart Tolle has been trying to tell me for years.

It’s taken me a long while to get it and really understand his message, bodily. I do now. Fortunately, I also know exactly what I need to do and it’s not going to be easy.

I need to give myself what I’ve been craving more than anything else and is in the most limited of supply - me.

What does giving myself “me” look like?

* making conscious food choices everyday instead of grabbing one of the cookies the kids baked and popping it in my mouth for breakfast or a mid-day snack.

* it means exercising for 20 minutes every day, no matter what. Even (especially) when I don’t want to.

* daily practice of something uplifting spiritually or emotionally.

* going to sleep as frequently as possible by 10p.

Each of these things sounds ridiculously simple and yet they are the things I find most difficult in my life.

My mind screams to me that I don’t have the time for any of these things.

Here’s some of the BS my mind/ego spouts:

* 20 minutes of exercises really takes 30-40 minutes when all is said and done and you don’t have time and plus you look good in clothes anyway, so who needs it.

* one cookie won’t hurt you and it’s too time-consuming to figure out what food should be in the house and what shouldn’t and the nanny is doing a good enough job at heating up the Trader Joe’s each night. Plus, Trader Joe’s is pretty healthy.

* Asleep by 10p? Not possible. The kids aren’t asleep sometimes until after 9:30p by the time all the before bed kvetching stops. When will I get time to write? Read? Be on my computer for fun and not revenue-generating activity?

I need to be doing less and all of these things feel like I’ll be adding a whole lot more on to my already full plate.

The Truth is that my businesses are finally at a point where paying more attention to ME will pay bigger rewards for them than it would be for me to create anything more to do with the business. It’s time to let it be.

It’s time to let the passive revenue engine run, for me to create a consistent self-care schedule, which must take priority, and to say no to things that interfere with it.

I’m scared to death of that. But, this whole journey is about being afraid and doing it anyway, right?

So, over the next several weeks I’ll be taking you inside the journey for real. I’ll be sharing with you the self care schedule that I’m able to carve out, whether or not it’s working and where I’m not fulfilling on my promise to myself. Perhaps, if I’m writing to you about it, I’ll stay more on track and focused.

I hope you’ll root me on, tell all your friends and if you decide you want to come along and do what I’m doing, let me know how it’s going for you.

I’m going to be making these changes in the context of two coaching type programs

JJ Virgin, celebrity fitness trainer on Dr. Phil and member of my diamond coaching program with Ali Brown, is coaching me through the health side of things - eating right, exercising and sleeping.

Kristen and David Morelli, as part of their 40 days and 40 nights program, will be coaching me to raise my energetic vibration and while their program is about breaking through money blocks, I’m seeing it as breaking through my emotional blocks to happiness.  I have no doubt more money will follow.

I just noticed though that it’s 10p and time for me to go to bed, so we’ll have to continue this journey tomorrow!

Photo Credit: Flickr Creative Commons Artist Irargerich

I recently adopted a rescue dog, Farley.  He had some aggression issues, so we hired a dog trainer to teach us how to work with him.

Now, this dog trainer had his act together.  He charges $875 for 5 sessions, which is pretty good considering most dog trainers make about $30/hour.  His schedule is booked weeks out and he’s clearly got the whole thing scripted out and down.

Of course, because I can’t help but coach everyone I meet about either starting a business or expanding their business, I immediately start talking to him about expanding his business by licensing others to use his systems and creating a dog training franchise empire.

Each time he came back for one of our sessions, I coached him a bit more and he got more and more excited.  He had considered writing a book or doing some TV in the past, but he’s so busy working all the time, he’d never gotten around to it.  By licensing others to use his systems, he could stop trading time for dollars and free up some time.

At the last of our 5 sessions, he admitted to me why hadn’t ever moved forward with any of his big dreams to expand his business and probably wouldn’t now either.  What he admitted is something that holds most people back and could be holding you back too.

It made me absolutely, positively, totally grateful for the kids in high school who made my life miserable.  Back then, I was devastated. Today, I’m grateful because it’s allowed me to experience massive success and take action where many others can’t.

The kids who excluded me taught me to deal with being judged, criticized, hated, taunted, teased, and bullied.  As it was happening, there were times I wanted to die.  But, I made it through and it made me strong.

I went within myself to discover the truth.  Was there something really wrong with me or was it them? How could I hold onto myself in the face of their cajoling?  Should I conform?  Hide?  Disappear? Or grow?

Through my introspection and inquiry, I discovered and accepted there was something about me that was threatening to them and they dealt with this threat by being mean.  I came to see it as a reflection on them,  not me.  To survive, I learned to embody that truth and stand tall in the face of yuck.

As a result, I am able to put myself out there as an entrepreneur in ways most others can’t.

The dog trainer made me realize how important this was when he told me that he hasn’t moved forward with his big dreams because he’s too sensitive.  The pain of criticism is too intense for him to bear.

He sees the lawsuits, flames and barbs that are tossed at Cesar Milan, the Dog Whisperer, and he can’t bear to experience it.  I understand.  Just imagine how Suze Orman feels when she reads this and this.

In the past several months as I’ve gotten more exposure, I’ve experienced some serious ugliness - criticism, lawsuits, threats, barbs, all of it.

And because I experienced and dealt with that pain in high school and discovered the truth of it and what it meant about me, I’ve been able to mostly let it roll off.  Mostly.

So, thank you mean people from high school,you have prepared me well to carry out my mission.  And thanks to your preparation of me, I’ll be able to make a big difference in the world.

Continuing our series, this week’s “Have it All Mom” is Latochia Phillips Givens, a solo-law practitioner and mother of two.

Through her solo-practice law firm, Latoicha assists other “digital moms,” entrepreneurs and online business owners in the area of intellectual property–which includes trademarks, copyrights, licensing and new media.

And since the start of her firm in 2004, Latoicha has earned a comfortable $80,000 a year without sacrificing the flexibility and availability necessary for her husband and two small children (which can be a rare concept in the legal world).

Yet she would be lying if she didn’t say that her wonderful husband hasn’t been an instrumental part of pursing her dreams. According to Latoicha, “My husband supports me 100% at home. He takes up the slack financially and emotionally when I am struggling in these areas”.

And when she’s not working or hanging with her family, Latoicha also runs a Luxe Tips, a beauty blog featuring tips and hot products that won’t break the bank (which I admit had me glued for a good 20 minutes).

So what’s Latoicha’s final tip for other moms that want to “Have it All” but aren’t sure how to do it?

“Ask for help when you need it. Having it all can be stressful so make sure you have support chain to assist you when you need it”.

And of course, I agree wholeheartedly with that statement!

So congrats Latoicha on your efforts and for striking a balance in an otherwise stressful and demanding field.

*Please see the responses below for Latoicha’s complete answers to my interview questions.

1. Your Full Name: Latoicha Phillips Givens

2. Please Describe Your Business or Businesses: My business is a solo-practice law firm.  My practice area includes intellectual property, specifically trademarks, copyrights, licensing and new media.

3. What Are the Gross Revenues From All Your Businesses? The Gross Revenue from my business is $80K per year.

4. Number of Kids and Their Ages? My kids ages are: 4 years old and 1 year old.

5. When Did You Start Your Business(es)? I started my business in 2004.

6. What Does Having It All Mean to You? Having it all means that I am able to pursue my professional interests while also being available for my children and husband.  It means having flexibility.

7. What Kind of Support Do You Have At Home? My husband supports me 100% at home.  He takes up the slack financially and emotionally when I am struggling in these areas.

8. What Kind of Support Do You Have At the Office? Right now, I am pretty much a one woman show at the office. However, when I need assistance, especially when working on a big client matter, I will hire an hourly assistant.

9. What is your #1 tip for other moms who want to have it all, but can’t figure out how to do it? My number one tip for moms who want to have it all is: ask for help when you need it.  Having it all can be stressful, so make sure you have a support chain to assist you when you need it!